people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
