hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
