Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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