Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
