Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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