I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
