well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
