She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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