this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
This is my gift to your gina
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
