Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
