i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
