You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
