worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
