Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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