I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
