you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
