New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
