The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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