Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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