i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
