your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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