The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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