I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
