I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i dont even know how to be here
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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