If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
