you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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