Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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