i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
