My sheets look like a crime scene.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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