my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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