I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
