dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
