You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
