so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
