I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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