It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
