And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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