I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I want to have your abortion
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
