I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
