My first STD was from a foam party
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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