Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
