I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
