i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
