the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Someone signed my nipple.
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