nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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