dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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