just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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