i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
