You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
