And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
