Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
