Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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