and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
