youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
