i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
